My Whine and Compain Time......

2:40 PM

I never intended for my blog to be a sounding board of whining and complaining just because I got a bad diagnosis. Sometimes though, I just want to scream, complain and get it all out, so I figure, you don't have to read it if you don't want too.

I never expected to be coddled or treated differently, but I guess I expected a little more understanding. when I told the older kids that they would probably need to start looking for a backup babysitter, they got upset and can't understand why I can't watch him and just have the other kids help out some.  I guess I just don't feel like anyone is taking this seriously. Thankfully I have extended family and friends who care enough to let me know they are here if I need them.

I'm frustrated, I don't know what to expect and I'm scared, but in the end, I know I will be okay. I have been told it is important for me to eat as healthy as I can and get an exercise program in place and follow it as much as I can, so that is what I plan to do. I love to walk, so that will be the place to start. We have a park close to our house where I can walk and the girls can play and if I have Asher I can walk and push him in his stroller.

I also plan to utilize the equipment I can at home suh as my Journey Gym, my Total Gym and a few other items I am getting to review.

My plan for the weekend was to make plenty of meals that I could freeze and the family could easily heat up, but I have been unable too. I wanted to deep clean my house, yet another thing I did not get to do yet.  I have been taking prescription Steroids to build my lungs and immune system up before I start treatment, and I was suppose to start treatment on Monday but I had to put it off until Wednesday because I can't miss some school functions on Monday and Tuesday for the kids.

When I told my Mom, I expected some understanding and caring, I guess I did not expect the reaction I got and I think my feelings were hurt more than they ever have been before. i almost backed out of going to my family reunion because of her reaction, but in the end, i want to see all my family so bad that I will just hold my head up high and enjoy the time I get to spend with them all. My kids love seeing family as well and I have a new baby cousin named Kylie that I can't wait to see.

I used to love to sew, I never learned to use a sewing machine, so maybe I will come up with some sewing supplies and try to make a family quilt when I can't do much else.  I also want to get some photo albums and start getting all the years of pictures put in to albums instead of just thrown in a tub. I have a ton of frames and I said once we finished the remodeling of the living room that I wanted to get pictures in them and get them up, so yet another project I can work on.

Maybe I will get one of those lounge hairs with an umbrella so I can sit outside when the girls play in the pool, because the rules is that Cassidy cannot be in the pool unless someone else is in with her or outside. Meagan is scared of water so she does not get in and could not help if something happened.

Quitting smoking was not easy, but I have a feeling, this will be the hardest thing I have ever had to go through, but I'm ready to beat this thing.

Now, I feel better, I have talked and complained and even if no one reads it, it has given me an outlet to vent, to say things and talk about things. No one here wants to even talk about it, and if I bring it up, the subject is quickly changed, so I feel like I am about to bust because all I want to do is talk about it, get my fears and frustrations out.....

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