How Surgery has changed my life

10:36 AM

I have tried not to post too much about my Illness anymore or what I am going through but I found that writing about it may not only help me, but maybe someone else who will go through the same thing.

I never realized how much having a Brain tumor removed would change my way of life and how I live everyday. The day after my surgery, I did not really feel any different, it was days after that I started to see the changes that had come over me.  First, My hearing in my left ear comes and goes and I know now that I may never regain full hearing again. My short term memory which used to be amazing , is now non existent to the point that I have to write notes to myself, carry a notebook around to write important or trivial things down as well. Chris has been super sweet and at first he tried to spare my feelings because I did not realize how bad it was. I was determined to get back to work and attempted to do all the things I did before, now, well, that has not worked out so well and I can no longer even manage small things like I did before and Chris has had to hire help to help with the business while he does what I used to do plus his job as well. We lost a few customers because I would not write the orders correctly or forget to add phone numbers or just simple daily things because everything I do, I have to think about it step by step. 

I have burned dinner because I forget I am cooking, Last week I drove to the store, shopped then came out and could not remember exactly how to get back home. I had to sit there and think about it and write it down .

Now, this may not all be directly related to the surgery though, because of the stress of something that happened after the surgery plus my Son being away at Boot camp, I think stress plays a huge part of what i am dealing with.

I cry, a lot, many times everyday for no reason at all and you never know what will set me off.  It's just so many things that I feel as if life as I once knew it is gone. It hurts so much to know that my life has changed to this degree and I hope and pray I get back to where I was.

I get up daily and try to do everything I used to do, yet my house has not been cleaned well since my Surgery, Dinner has been simple things, quick meals, etc because everything I do takes 3 times longer than before.

This has also been a time in my life when I have found who my true friends really are. Those who care enough to call, text, email or send a card just to say hello. Then those who continue to expect em to do everything for them when they do nothing for me and who have not been around when I needed them. I have found that the friends I have made from the blog and my Son's Army Company group of moms have been the most amazing friends ever. My neighbors have been super awesome, and I see how lucky I am to have them. My Mom and I became friends and our relationship has finally started to mend as it has not in many years. 

My energy levels are so low, I get frustrated and cry. there are days when I wish I could just hire someone to come help clean once a week or help with make ahead dinners, etc but know we just can't do it financially.

My goal has not only been to get better but to be well enough to go and see my son, which is now only 6 days away and I pray that financially we can do this without totally ruining us. My son still knows nothing about this, and we will have to tell him, but I need to see him, need to make sure he is okay, and then I start the longest journey of treatments, test and being strong yet again.

Things I enjoyed before, such as reading, couponing, etc..have become something that I no longer enjoy. I still coupon but it takes twice as long to prepare. It is a must due to all the financial aspects of what I am going through.

I feel selfish because I would love to hear a knock on my door and a group of friends who want to help me clean, organize and help me to just well, be me.  

My Blog has been lacking lately, and that is the thing outside of family and friends that I love most of all, and I worry everyday that I am losing what I have worked so hard to build.

My entire focus has been on making sure I get to see my Son next week, making sure my kids get the school things they need and getting back to normal. It hurts, it's frustrating, I just want to be me again.

Now, for those of you who actually read this, I apologize because it may not make much sense and I skip from one subject to another and back again.

I just want to say a huge thank you to those of you who have sent cards, cute little gifts, messages and still hang around. I think we will make this blog so much more than I ever dreamed, because you, my readers, are like family and I appreciate each and everyone of you.

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