Why it hurts to be " The Other Child"11:08 AM
Do I really want to share my story in the public eye Yes, I think I do, I know many others out there are in the same position and sometimes you just can't hold it in anymore.
I bet you are wondering what I mean by "The other Child" well, the other child is the child who was born out of wedlock and never fully accepted by the "Other" family. By the Other family, I mean the family that came a long with the man who fathered me. You see just as recently as this past year, I even finally called him Dad, now, I simply don't call him.
Oh , I knew from early years he was my father but I was never to tell anyone, I was to keep that to myself, of course I told, but he never acknowledged until I was almost 17 and My Mom demanded a paternity test. He never gave to my support or had weekend visits, nor was I really ever fully accepted even when the other kids he has found out about me. I have a half brother who was treated the same way, but I think he got at least a little more of the family that I ever did.
So why now at 38, does this bother me so much you ask ,after the past 37 years of basically being the outcast. Remember a few months back, I had brain Surgery, My "Dad" my half brother and my nephew made the journey to see me, 2 hours away, it made my heart happy and I thought wow, maybe I can be a part of this family, maybe just maybe after 37 years, I will be accepted. Now don't get me wrong, I had ask him a couple times in my life to help me out financially, just twice, no more. I didn't see that as too much considering for 17 years he never acknowledged my existence. The third time I ask in 2008, I was made to feel like shit, which was an eye opener, I mean our car had just burned to the ground, we only had liability insurance, and the only other car we had was in need of repairs, so let's just say I ask for help , was made to feel like shit, so I turned to other avenues and took out a high interest loan and we found our own way from there, never again did I ever ask for anything.
Move forward, I thought I was no longer the other child then I had a huge wake-up call. I let my niece live with me, for six months I supported her, helped her get a job, a car and eventually a place to live. She stole from me, she used us and she almost ruined me financially. Now, I have decided that I am going to follow through and take her to court and even press charges if I can. No longer will I let them make me feel like crap for being a good person which they have never taken the time to see.
Now somewhere in all that mess of being taken total advantage of the "other" Sisters, the ones who grew up with him as a Father, who never allowed me in to their life, decided I was asking him for money or the only time I would talk to them was when I needed something, wow I was floored to get an email from my sister on Facebook saying I needed to stop asking "dad" for money and always bugging him, while the very same day I got a text from yet another of the sisters saying that she was tired of me only talking to her when I needed something because I had ask her if she knew anyone who could pick up my kids and bring them to my house 2 hours away because I had just had surgery and needed someone to help me. I was simply blown away so I looked back through my Facebook messages to her where I had tried to communicate with her, never asking for anything, and pointed that out to her. Not once did my so called sisters ever visit me here after my Heart surgeries, nor did they call or visit when I had brain surgery.
So many times since Chris I met, he encouraged me to never get my hopes up with my "Other" family because they never acknowledged me , he begged me to just not let my heart get involved. Hindsight is 20/20, I wanted to feel like a part of that family, I wanted the father I never had, and in the back of my mind, I thought maybe, just maybe, it was going to happen, and each time I thought that, I was let down and heart broken.I was real unsure what had happened this last time, when come to find out, yet another sister and my niece had ask for money and instead of saying so, the "other" sisters were told I was the one asking for money. Needless to say it was easy to make me a scapegoat and make me out to be a bad person.
So I emailed my "Dad" and I say that in the loosest terms and ask why my sisters thought that..his response was he did not have time to deal with this and that I needed to stop emailing him and deal with it. Just recently was it that I fond out the truth of what was happening. So now, I write this because I have come to see how my "Other" family really is. While they portray to the world how great they are, and all that jazz, they are the ones who chose to write me out of their life and my "Dad's life, who made a decision based not on facts but maybe on the facts they assumed, and now it's time for me to let that "Other family" go.
While growing up my sisters got cars and birthday presents and had family dinners and Family Christmas, while my Mom and Grandma struggled just to ut food on the table and by me clothes, and every few years myself or my kids got a Christmas gift from my "dad" usually as a last minute thought a few weeks after Christmas. My kids really wanted to get to know their Grandfather, but without me ever saying a word, they found out how he truly is, and I tried to explain to my sisters, even to my dad, that I didn't ask for anything, but somehow I became the outcast once again.
So now, It's time to take the advice I was given from Chris many years ago, let them go, move on, because one day they will show others the true colors, and me, well, I have a happy life, I have my Mother and that part of the family who may not have the nice things the "Other Family" has but they love me, they know me for who I am which the other family never made any attempts to get to know me. They don't care about me, and probably never will. I won't let my children get hurt by them the way they continue to hurt me and no longer will I try to be accepted. They can keep their pretense of being great people to the world, I could care less, I have my life, my family and I don't need the drama that comes a long with trying to fit in. I don't need the criticism of them because I ask for help twice in my life , even though he ever paid a penny of support, I don't need his money at Christmas, nor do I need a visit from them to make my life complete. I have all I need right here and with My mom and extended family.
What they never bothered to see was the fact that I get up everyday and work my ass off all day long, that Chris and I started a business from scratch out of our garage that has grown leaps and bounds , that my disabled Daughter as well as our other 6 kids, see how hard we work, the fact that I am sick on a daily basis and don't 694W-M8RMX9-Jask for help, that we manage just fine on our own, The fact that they have no clue who I am as a person, how wonderful my children are and how big our hearts are. I don't feel any longer that I need them to acknowledge me or be apart of the life they have. After 38 years, it has been a wake up call, I don't have to be " the other child" with "the other family" because I have my own life, my own children and my own family and I don't need them to approve of me or to be in my life.
All I need, I have, and that is my little family and My Mother and extended family, I can finally let go because I no longer need to be accepted by the other family, because they were never family to begin with. I am happy now to let this go, to let them pretend to the world how good they are, that is all fine, my life is complete without having "the other family".