How I am trying to let the "Other family" Go8:42 AM
I thought this year I was finally past it, moving on. I didn't think I would hurt anymore. I woke up this morning and in my news feed was a picture with them smiling so happy..and it hurt. You may think I am talking about an Ex, but who I am talking about is my "other "family. If you have been reading my blog for at least a year, you know that back about 6 months ago I decided that I had to let my other family go . I thought maybe I had. This morning made me see that I simply pushed it to the back of my mind.
Why air family drama? No reason really, except this is my blog, and I write down how I feel and have since day one. So for those of you just tuning in...I'll give you a little background.
I was born out of wedlock in 1976..right in between my 2 older Half sisters and 8 months and 10 days before my younger step sister. You see, my Dad was not as separated from his Wife as he claimed obviously. I was kept a big dark secret, eventually lived with my Grandma, and when I was old enough to know I didn't have a Daddy like the other kids, my Mom told me all about my Daddy and even who he was, but told me that until I was older, I would have to keep that to myself. Most of my young years, I lived with my Grandma, so I had tons of love from her, My Mom, My cousins and Aunts & Uncles, but as I started getting older, I wanted, no needed, my dad. I was shunned, ostracized even when I blurted the truth out. My little sister who was in the same grade, got to go home from 3rd grade while I got a ruler to my hand telling me to stop telling lies. It was years before we got to be best friends again and play under the Apple tree. I lived with my mom in a tiny run down 1 bedroom Apartment, right next door to my "other" family who lived in a nice house with plenty of bedrooms and a yard to play in and of course a couple of dogs. ..We could barely afford to live even there, and it was the cheapest place in town. I come from a Poverty ridden town, a town I loved so much that I swore I would never go back to, and I haven't except or family functions with my Mom's family. I don't make day trips or just because trips, because I was judged, so unfairly by so many. Don't get me wrong, many saw my potential and encouraged me to be whatever I wanted.
Fast forward 4 -5 years when I was 13...I found out I had a Brother , a brother who was in the same situation that I was. The only reason I was told was because I was getting to that age and we had been hanging out and they wanted to make sure I knew, not my brother, it was many years before he was ever told the truth but after I was told to Keep another secret, I never hung out with my Brother again, but oh how I longed for him in my life.
Fast forward 10 years to when I was about to turn 17. My Mom demanded a DNA test & child support...and yes, I was his child and they all found out. I wish I could say after that I was accepted, but it came slowly and by only one sister to start. Eventually by my younger sister and even for awhile my oldest sister. I was never invited to family functions or anything like that, but one of my sister was great, even bringing her kids to see me and get to know me.
On my Graduation from High School, I had been out of school 6 months and was Air Force, I got to come home so I could walk the stage. I prayed for weeks that my other family, mainly my Dad, would show up, I mean after all, he had been to all my other sister's events, and by this time, even my Brothers. That day as I walked across the stage in a town 60 miles away from where this all started, the only face I knew in the audience, was my Mother. Still, I held strong. The next morning, I found a package wrapped in my car on the front seat from my Dad which was a watch, I still have that watch to this day even though it stopped working 15 years ago, it's really all I have but even that hurt me, as I didn't need a gift, I needed to be accepted and loved.
Now. You all have some background. Let's just skip to events of recently and how I thought I had let go. Over the years, I sometimes had the opportunity to connect with my Dad, it was always rocky, but after my Brain Surgery,.I thought we had finally hit a mark, that we would be a family. Shortly after, I took in my niece, who was the daughter of the sister who hated me ( a story or another time and no I was not innocent in our falling out) Well after helping my niece get on her feet, helping her get a car, letting her stay in our home rent free for 8 months ( Her mom was suppose to pay me $200 a month for those last 3 months yet it only happened once) I eventually helped my niece find an apartment, My Father & Step-mom paid for more than half of it, I kicked in the other half.
Sadly...within days all hell broke loose. One of my sisters facebooked me and said I needed to stop asking her Dad for money ( hello, it was my dad too) and when I tried to say I had not ask for anything and she went on and on, it became quiet clear that either my Dad or his wife had explained the money they had given to my niece and money to my niece's mom as well , was explained to the others as me asking for money) She blocked me on Facebook that day and we have not spoken since.
I went on to ask my dad to tell them the truth, his response was I don't have time for you and your drama. Hello..I had did favor and in the end, I was punished for opening my heart and my home. Time, as in a matter of days brought more heartache, you see my daughter's were missing clothes, boot and things and I was missing a cast iron tea kettle with cups and so much more. A few days later we saw the niece I had taken in, had stole our stuff and had it up for sale on different sites. We could never recover them. She had used my name to get things on my credit, infiltrated my home and more and when I tried to talk to her mom or my dad about it, I was shunned.
Chris tried for a long time before all this happened to tell me to stop getting my hopes up and letting my guard down, he was right all along. I simply wanted so badly to be a part of the other family that I was blinded by the way I was treated and still am.
When I told my Dad that my son was leaving the Army, he said well he ruined his life, I'm done with him. Yet he had promised my kids so much, told them he wanted to get to know them and all. I can forgive and forget how they have treated me, but I will never forgive, nor will I forget, how they have treated my kids. It's hard for Meagan to understand at all, but now I need to sit my kids down and explain to them why Grandpa treats them like he does and help my kids to move on, after seeing Happy Family photos from the other family this past week..it's time for me to let go of the hurt and move on as well.
So, waking up and seeing all the happy family photo's knowing I will never be included, I hope I have now let go.